We have been discussing expectations related to our happiness and success in our workshops for years. A recent book, Your Brain at Work, by David Rock (2009) puts some new light on the subject–There is a physiological reason we are disappointed when life does not meet our expectations. It has to do with dopamine. Alina Tugend explains this theory in an excellent article, What Did Your Expect? It Makes A Difference, on Jan 14, 2012 in the NY Times:
‘If we expect to get x and we get x, there is a slight rise in dopamine. If we expect to get x and we get 2x there is a greater rise. But if we expect to get x and get 0.9x, then we get a much bigger drop. Our brain doesn’t get slightly unhappy, it sends out a message of danger or threat.”
The conclusions from this research, as well as others, indicate that we must adapt to change and not to expect too much during this time of economic instability—especially when there are things out of our control.
In our book, Upside: How to Zig When Life Zags, we say the following:
“Feeling that you are entitled to a certain way of life, or expecting it to turn out a certain way, could be holding you back from success and happiness. Many of us were raised by parents who expected us to get an education, find a great job, buy a house and start a family. While that may have been possible for your parents, it set the bar for unrealistic expectations and feelings of entitlement for you today.”
If you can detect the source of your expectations, the upside is that it will be easier to move ahead on your journey to sustainable success. Holding on to what life should have will make deal with the not-known more difficult.
Can you develop your own American Dream?Can you accept that your lifestyle may be different than the last generation?Can you still be happy?
In our book, Upside:How to Zig When Life Zags, we discuss the meaning of happiness.Our premise is that even during a recession and hard times, it is possible to be happy.One of the core elements in the book is the idea that happiness comes from many things other than material possessions. We also emphasize the importance of reworking your American Dream to fit the new reality.
A new survey conducted by MetLife indicates that many are pursuing their own version of the American Dream.Beth Hirschhorn, executive vice president and chief marketing, says “people are adapting and pursuing their own American dream.” There is a de-emphasis on material values, even to the extent of accepting lower living standards.
“The American Dream for many – higher education, owning a home, a great career, providing a financial safety net and building retirement assets – is eitherunachievable or irrelevant.Posted on:Dream’s dark hour By GREGORY BRESIGER January 7, 2012
Survey spokeswoman Laura Adams, adds that the American Dream is less conventional and more personalized than previously defined. The average American wants to realize his own dream, not that of a group.
Each year at this time, we make a list of things we want to change or improve. Some individuals make wishes—things they hope will occur in the new year.
At a recent winter Solstice celebration, we wrote on paper our passions—things that we can do in 2012 that make a difference in the world. We then shared them with the group.
My suggestion is to expand this idea is to include children in the process. My friend, Judy Chiss, former educational director of the Children’s Museum in Chicago, said she was making a “wish booklet” with her children and grandchildren.
This concept has great merit for introducing the idea of goal setting to young adults and children. It also offers the opportunity for a dialogue between family members. It creates opportunities for expression and learning more about each other. Imagine your child setting a goal to finish homework on time or not fighting with a sibling. This intention offers opportunities for self-managing and awareness.
Parents, too, can set goals such as no email, texts or phones after work thus creating more chances for face to face communication with family members. Once these goals are said out loud, the family has a responsibility to work together to reach their goals.
New Year’s goals, intentions, and wishes can be an excellent way to achieve something important, especially when they are shared. Make a wish list with your family today and see how your family system can improve.
In addition check out our book, Upside: How to Zig When Life Zags to increase the probability of your success.
RSS 2.0